Integrity is doing what's right even when no one is looking. It's something so simple, yet at the same time, so difficult to do. It's difficult because, in the words of Paul from Romans 7, we have sin living inside us.
This was evident in my life a couple Wednesdays ago when we were tearing down and cleaning up after FX. It was time to go and my oldest daughter wasn't moving fast enough for my liking. So I was short with her. I didn't yell, that wouldn't be socially acceptable, but I was definitely not patient or kind to her.
She jumped down from the stage and immediately squatted down to look at her foot. I thought she was just being stubborn and stalling. So I did the insensitive thing. I assumed ill intent on her part and told her that she was ok instead of checking to see if something really was wrong. I picked up the crying baby, got my stuff and headed for the van. I looked back to see my sweet wife pick up my daughter – who I say I love (and I do) because she was in tears thinking, "Daddy doesn't care that I'm hurt."
It was sin, the selfish part of me that was only concerned with being tired, that was working in my actions towards my daughter.
I couldn't even do what was right when others were looking on, how am I supposed to have integrity? Perfect integrity would be doing things perfectly. Luckily for us, we are under grace. What God wants from us, I think, is to have the integrity of humility, which means owning our mistakes and making things right with people when we lack integrity.
So that's why, by the grace of God, I found myself lying next to my daughter that night listening (for the first time that evening) to her perspective and pain at what I'd done. That was why I apologized to her and tried to assure her that her daddy does care when she is hurt. And that is why her brown eyes focused on me while she said, "Yes, Dad, I forgive you."
In my role as a parent having the humility to make it right with others is a huge part of integrity. My prayer for all of us parents is that God will give us the grace to see ourselves rightly and to have the integrity of humility when we mess up, especially with our kids.