I mentioned
in my first post how difficult I find this parenting journey. I know one of the reasons is because I often have my identity wrapped up in the way my kids behave. How I rate as a parent is determined by how well my kids act. It makes sense in a way. I give a lot of myself to them. I sacrifice my preferences, time, and energy for what they want and need. I spend my time reading and researching so I know how to navigate this stage or that new issue. I change my behavior so I am modeling what I want them to be like. I devote myself to praying for them, caring for them, and sharing Jesus with them. I put so much into this parenting thing, it’s easy to see how I could let the behavior of my kids define my value.
I have also seen the risks that come with thinking I can control how great I am by controlling the way my kids behave. It turns into me doing a lot of behavior management and trying to control things that are not mine to control. All of a sudden I need my kiddos, who were made in the image of God to be full of curiosity, wonder and joy, to be more like robots than kids. They should do exactly what I say, when I say it, and how I say to do it. I often find this phrase running through my head, “Good parents have kids who obey…He isn’t obeying…I’m not good at this.” If I’m honest their obedience is often more about moving up my ranking on the parenting scale than anything else. And the higher I rate on this parenting scale the more valuable I am.
Here is where I need to continue what was started last month. I need to speak the truth of who I am over myself. My value is not up for debate. It is not changeable. God sees me as completely forgiven, is pleased with me, and accepts me as I am. The obedience and behavior of my kids does not change how He sees me or how He sees them.
Since my heart toward my kids has been more about me and my performance as a parent, this has created an atmosphere of tension and stress in our home. We are currently in a process of rebuilding trust. I wish this was a one and done sort of process, but it’s not. It takes time to rebuild something that was broken or establish something that never existed. Don’t lose heart if you are in the same process. I am confident in the faithfulness of God. As I look at the motives behind my actions and confess my sin to God and others, I will change. Obedience in my kids will come as I become more trustworthy and consistent in my parenting.
Your Connection Kit Add-on for this week is a podcast by Heather McFadyen of
godcenteredmom.com. It has been such an encouragement to me as my family journeys through this rebuilding process. She and a guest discuss what it looks like to have grace in our parenting. They give some real life examples that my heart connected with. Take some time from your week to listen to
this and be encouraged.