As a parent, being generous with my children and giving them my undivided attention was hard to do. It was easy when we had one child. When number two came along things got a little more busy. And after three and four arrived, we were completely out of time and attention!
That’s why it’s so important to set aside weekly time to spend with each child individually. Your time with your child might be a special date, asking him or her to ride along with you as you run an errand, a game time while their sibling is taking a nap, a walk around the block, or working together on a project around the house.
The two keys to this one on one time is that your child needs your undivided attention and you need to ask good questions. No cell phones or other distractions allowed! I have included this video from Barna about the hyper-linked life. Take some time to watch it and think about how technology is affecting your relationships with your kids. Good questions help you get to know your child better and connect with their heart.
What do you talk about during your one on one time with your child? You can talk about anything. Talk about their day. What made them happy? What made them sad? What did they learn today? What would they like to be when they grow up? Be curious, ask one question at a time and then listen. Listen for content and listen for feelings. Then repeat back what you heard them say. “So having pizza for dinner tonight made you happy.”
Next comes the real magic. Whenever possible, follow up with one of the following questions:
- What did you like best about … ?
- How did that make you feel?
When you connect with the heart of your child you will be amazed at what you will learn about them. Start while they are young and make these kind of conversations a normal way of life. And then when your child is older and beginning to push away during their teen years, you will have built a strong relationship to bear the burden of more difficult conversations.
Spend time with your child. It’s an investment of time that will pay big dividends in the future!
Know well the condition of your flocks, and give attention to your herds. Proverbs 27:23