Ask anyone wearing a wedding ring, and they'll likely tell you: marriage isn't easy. It has relentless ups and downs, seasons of great joy and great despair, and so many distractions. It takes work and wisdom to know how to finesse the partnership of marriage for a lifetime of enduring love. The love-drunk metaphors strewn throughout Song of Solomon make for poetic reading, for sure, but the bar for the married relationship is set awfully high in those verses.

In the lead-up to Valentine's Day this week, we asked a few New Covenant couples to share their perspective on marriage -- what God has showed them over their years together as husband and wife. While I don't see any specific mentions of vineyards in blossom and stags leaping over mountains, their mindful approach to married life is practical advice for us all, Valentine's Day and every day. 

Jay & Jen Haugh, married 16 years
(Jay is the Lead Pastor at New Covenant Bible Church) 

How they met: 
Jay and Jen met on a summer mission project with Cru (formerly known as Campus Crusade for Christ). They were with 50-60 other college students for the summer, learning to share their faith and grow deeper in their relationship with God.  

What does God continue to teach you about marriage?
Nearly 17 years after saying "I do," Jay and Jen both have said that they didn’t realize how selfish they were until they got married! "God has used marriage to be the sandpaper to help refine us -- to sand off those rough edges -- making us more and more into the image of Christ." 

What's the most meaningful or intentional way you can support your spouse?
Jen: I intentionally pray verses over my husband. It keeps my prayers in line with what God has in mind for him and for our marriage. 
Jay: I make sure she has time to recharge. 

If an engaged couple asked you for your best marriage insight, what would you tell them?
Don’t walkaway from what’s hard in your marriage; keep pressing in and work at communicating well.  

Nick & Kristie Zuber, married 26 years

How they met:
Nick and Kristie both worked at the same restaurant in college. 

What does God continue to teach you about marriage?
"God continues to teach us that we need to invest in our marriage. We need to take time to listen to each other, to dream together, to pray together…"

What's the most meaningful or intentional way you can support your spouse?
They “check in” with each other during the day.

If an engaged couple asked you for your best marriage insight, what would you tell them?
"It’s important in a marriage to give your spouse grace," Kristie says. "When conflict creeps in, most likely the thing they’re doing at the moment (whether by word or deed) is not being done purposefully to upset you. Forgive! Don’t let Satan get a foothold."

Gregg and Lisa Walker, married 36 years

How they met:
Gregg and Lisa grew up in the same small town, and their families knew each other for all of their lives. They started dating in high school.

What does God continue to teach you about marriage?
"He continues to teach us how important it is to show love and respect daily, to constantly work on our communication, and to intentionally make our marriage and the other person a priority." 

What's the most meaningful or intentional way you can support your spouse?
"We have learned the importance of knowing each other's love language," Lisa says, "and doing things that speak it often."

If an engaged couple asked you for your best marriage insight, what would you tell them?
We would answer with something we wish we had learned much earlier in our marriage: the importance of making God the center of our marriage and praying together. 

Song of Solomon 6:3
"I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine, he who pastures his flock among the lilies."